Last week, I mentioned that Zeroe4 was beginning a series musing on death from a Christian perspective and in association with anime.  His post in the series sets up context, giving his feelings about life and death.  His next post in the series is really terrific, using anime like Code Geass, Death Note and particularly Gundam series to talk about war and more emphatically, the “war for our lives.” [Zeroe4]

Landon’s post about Samurai Pizza Cats is really a lament about college, including a section on an “evangelical atheist” professor who not only drove him crazy, but challenged his beliefs. [Mecha Guignol]

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As part of the Spirituality in the Anime Blogsophere series of posts, each week, Beneath the Tangles links to writings about anime and manga that involve religion and spirituality.  If you’ve written such a piece or know of one, please email TWWK if you’d like it included. 

No hairbrushing in my room...or giant dog costumes. (Image from Sekirei Wiki)

Since we know that everything we see in anime accurately represents Japanese culture, I can make this statement with confidence: long hospitalizations are far more common in Japanese health institutions than in those in America.  I bet most anime fans can count off the number of shows featuring characters who are on bed rest in hospitals.  In America, though, we generally try to get people out of hospitals and back home, unless they’re in critical condition.

The thing is, this trope is quite charming.  Bedpans, IVs, and injections be darned – there’s nothing more pleasant than a teenage girl or boy quietly reading a book in a hospital with visitors in tow.

Of course, it’s a little different when you’re the one in that situation.  I’ve never been hospitalized before, so it was a new experience for me to have to remain in a hospital, away from family, work, and home.  Thankfully, it was for only two days, but even in that amount of time, I learned something about myself (and others).  Ain’t in funny how being in a hospital makes you think?

She sure looks serene for being so ill. (Art by 夏師)

Usually in service-type professions, the employee stays while the customers come and go.  But when you’re hospitalized, you’re the one staying while the employees come and go and then leave for the day, before returning the next day.  The patient’s point of view is almost a bird’s eye one – I felt like I was above, watching various people go throughout their day.

Strangely enough, I started having strong feelings for almost everyone that had a part in caring for me – either positive or negative.  I would catch them at specific moments of their day and that would give a reflection of how I felt about them.  If one technician was in a bad mood, I’d picture her as a grumpy person and dislike her, because I felt as a patient, I was owed that person’s best.

A boy in a hospital bed, too! (Art by Nada0)

Whether it was getting caught up on rest or simply the excitement of knowing I’d be out soon, by the second day I had become more empathetic.  This grumpy tech may have been having a bad day – heck, it must be hard to be cheerful at all in a health care setting.

My family, too, went through a difficult time while I was away.  They were much more stressed and pressured than I was.  While I was between quiet white walls, they had to make their way through the day without my help and knowing that I might have to undergo a procedure.

All this gave me the strength to be empathetic which, quite frankly, is an action I rarely exhibit.  I was able to sit and listen to complaints and try to heal deep divisions that had erupted in my absence.  And for once, I felt like I was being a peacemaker and not a divider.

The trick is this, though.  As I walk out of this bed and back to normal life, I need to bring with me the lesson I learned and become a better man, not for two days, but permanently.  And if that happens, I can certainly say that in more than one way, the best part of being the boy in the hospital bed is walking away from it.

Party in the Hiz-Hozpital! (Art by 茜谷あすく)

Heiwa. Pyonghwa. Shalom.

Peace is a beautiful word, but an agonizing one as well. It’s something we desire, something we feel should be, but like Mayuri Shiina reaching up toward the sky, it’s impossibly out of reach. World peace is a dream. Inner peace may be, too, but that doesn’t stop many of the world religions from making this a (or the) focus of their faiths.

However, peace doesn’t instantly come to mind when thinking of some religions. Islam carries the weight of a violent connotation associated with its religion. I’m reading a book (when I say reading, I mean I’ve read about a chapter a year for the last 7 years) about how Islam is really a peaceful religion; the fact that such books even have to be written tells us something about how nonbelievers feel. The same can be said of Christianity, which has been forever stained with violent events like the Crusades and the Inquisition.

Nonetheless, the actions of people in the name of religion often tell us more about them and their society than about their faith. And in that vein, I’m here to say that in a significant way, Christianity is all about peace – within ourselves, with other people, and most of all (and all trickling downward from), peace with God.

When I think about peace in terms of anime, one character rises in my mind above all – Ashitaka, the noble prince from Hayao Miyazaki’s masterpiece, Princess Mononoke. In his journey, Ashitaka makes peace in each of the three ways mentioned above.  Hit the jump to read more about the third fruit in our “Fruits of the Spirit” series: peace.

Ashitaka's calm exterior hid inner pains (Art by レンキ＠ついった)

Peace with God

There are many gods in the world of Princess Mononoke, but we’re concerned with just one, the forest spirit, whose providence is life and death. As Ashitaka’s journey to seek a cure to the curse given him by the demonic board god begin, he finds out about the forest spirit from two-sided Jito.  Ashitaka wants the spirit to heal him; however, the spirit is unconcerned with man’s wants – it’s concerns are much higher. The cursed Ashitaka approaches the forest spirit full of anger and having killed others on his way to his goal.  But the forest spirit is concerned with life – the two represent opposite sides.

Ashitaka is the forest spirit’s enemy.

However, in a very short time, Ashitaka is transformed, as he chooses the way of life over death, demonstrated when he stops San and Eboshi from killing one another and later begs San to choose “life,” even as he lay dying.  Ashitaka has now changed sides.

The Bible is clear that before we come to know Christ, we are God’s enemies (Romans 5:10). Our curse (sin) puts as at odds with Christ and our wants don’t usually align with His.  To “accept” Christ means to surrender.  We, as His enemy, completely surrender to the general’s (Jesus) terms of peace.  We agree to give everything up and live in the way He asks us to.  In return, we are given peace.  No longer are we at war – we are now accepted as citizens in Christ’s kingdom and can enjoy all that entails.  The most important perk is the same as the one the forest god offers – life.

Surrender comes when you can't right anymore (Art by うめけい)

It’s also important to note that Ashitaka is not perfected yet.  As his bullet wound is healed at their first meeting, so are ours; but Ashitaka’s curse is not taken away at that time – he still must grow, as Christians must after accepting God’s grace.

Peace with Ourselves

Even though Ashitaka is generally on even keel, neither getting too happy or too angry in any situation, he is still seeking peace within.  Inside him, the curse of the boar god, which touches him at the beginning of the film (in one of the great opening sequences in anime history), is driving him toward death, and in various moments throughout the film, the almost stoic Ashitaka blows up in frustration.

Physically, we see signs of the struggle with oneself, as when Ashitaka’s arm spasms uncontrollably upon first seeing the forest spirit.  This is reminiscent of New Testament demons that react violently and fearfully upon encountering Christ.

The curse tore Ashitaka apart inside and out (Art by emi)

And as I mentioned, while Ashitaka generally has a calm demeanor, there are signs that inside, he is being torn apart. Besides the unmistakable proclamation that his soul will first be torn apart before his body, Ashitaka also visibly expresses frustration.  Jito sees this at their initial meeting, addressing the pains of life in his speech at the destroyed village.

Eventually, Ashitaka finds inner peace when doing the right thing for the forest spirit.  He no longer cares about his curse at this point – he cares more about the spirit’s life-affirming purpose.  And without looking to be cured, he is given freedom and peace.

As with the film, finding peace with God leads to finding peace with oneself.

Peace with Others

A major theme of Princess Mononoke has to do with finding peace among people and other living creatures.  At one point, Ashitaka tells Lady Eboshi that he wants to “see with eyes unclouded by hate,” but when he tells her that, he hasn’t yet achieved that state.

In moments just previous, his arm spasms again as he burns with hatred against Lady Eboshi thinking about the boar god’s death.  Ashitaka’s  hair rises as he chastises Eboshi, declaring, “If it would lift the curse, I would let it tear you apart.”

But as Ashitaka moves more and more toward finding peace with the forest spirit, he does the same with all those around him, including Lady Eboshi.  Likewise, San and Eboshi achieve peace with each other through Ashitaka.  Though San says she can’t forgive Eboshi, she at least heads down that path, helping her enemy escape the poisonous globules of the forest spirit because of Ashitaka’s actions.  This scene occurs after Ashitaka has achieved peace with the forest spirit.

The application is clear – when we find peace with God, we can forgive and love others, finding peace with them.  And this love can move others to find peace as well.

The irony of this essay is that it’s about peace when Princess Mononoke is easily Hayao Miyazaki’s most violent and disturbing film.  But then again, perhaps that’s not so strange after all.  If the difficulties we endure within ourselves, with others, and with God manifested themselves in animation, we might, too, see bloody battles, limbs and heads dismembered, and wormlike demons.  Peace is powerful because it is the calm for these horrible storms.  You often can’t avoid these storms, but you can meet them with confidence knowing there is peace – and He is Jesus.

Please return every Wednesday for the next several weeks as we detail another character that embodies one of the Spirit Fruits.  In addition to Ashitaka and peace, I discussed Sasami Jurai and joy last week and R86 began the series the week before, writing about Honda Tohru and love.

Without going into too much detail, a lingering problem led me to get an MRI, which revealed something unexpected and alarming. For the short term, I’m avoiding a risky surgery, but I remain hospitalized. I do expect to go home tonight, after about two days in the hospital.

To those readers of the of who are Christian, I solicit your prayers in the following areas:

• Pray that my family finds peace during this time. My wife is stressed out and my two children are very young.
• Pray that God may heal my body (I have an artery issue in my neck).
• Pray that our family will be able to weather the expenses of this visit financially. Medical costs are very expensive and to top it off, we just paid for major repairs on my car.
• Pray for strength and resolve on my part. Besides physical strength, I feel the burden of lost work time, family support, and aforementioned finances. And on a lesser note, I’ll be giving myself injections for the next week and frankly, that freaks me out.

I’m thankful for the kind readership of this blog and I know your thoughts and prayers are with me. I expect my life (and the blog along with it) to return to normal, more or less, in the next week or two.

Anime movies in U.S. theaters are typically released on so few screens that most major movie critics don’t review them.  However, Studio Ghibli films, released by Disney and bolstered by Hayao Miyazaki’s 2002 Oscar win for Spirited Away, buck that trend.  With a 93% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes, the Ghibli film, The Secret World of Arrietty, has been held in higher regard than even a number of movies nominated for “Best Picture” at next week’s Academy Awards.  On that note, I’m going to say it here – I believe Arrietty will receive a nomination for “Best Animated Picture” at next year’s Oscar’s.

With major reviewers having to sit up and notice Arrietty, an interesting subset of movie reviewers has likewise done the same: Christian/Catholic film critics.  Not only do these critics focus on the quality of movies, many also discuss the moral implications of films – in fact, some emphasize the latter over the earlier.  Last Friday, when Arrietty was released, I wrote a post on how Christianity Today gave the film a very positive rating, not something entirely expected.  Don of Zoopraxiscope offered links to a few other reviews and with these in hand, I decided to select five major “Christian” review outlets and three “Catholic” ones, to see how they scored The Secret World of Arrietty.

Catholic News Service | Rating: Positive | Review

…this kid-friendly feature can be wholeheartedly recommended for all but easily terrified tots…

Christian Spotlight on Entertainment | Rating: Positive | Review

Visually rich and with moving depth, “…Arrietty” is a film for everyone.

Christianity Today | Rating: Positive | Review

But overall, it’s hard to find many family films so authentic, so earnest, so supportive of family, and so honest about life’s joys and hardships.

Crosswalk | Rating: Positive | Review

Give it a chance and it will enhance your sense of wonder. It might even make you feel like a kid again.

John C. Wright’s Journal | Rating: Positive | Review

I think every man should, upon reading these words, go get married, father a fourteen year old daughter, and take her to see this film.

Movieguide | Rating: Positive | Review

THE SECRET WORLD OF ARRIETTY is a visually engaging movie with a compelling story of friendship, family and the importance of human life.

National Catholic Register | Rating: Positive | Review

Watch The Secret World of Arrietty with your eyes open, and witness the secret world in which we all live revealed.

Plugged In (Focus on the Family) | Rating: Positive | Review

Through their whimsical meeting, these friends teach us that life can be difficult and filled with disappointment. But it’s also rich with friendship, adventure, family love and unexpected beauty.

Note that as with the reviews on Rotten Tomatoes, “positive” in these instances can range from “ecstatic” to “barely recommended.”  Still, I’m happy to see these Christian/Catholic sites review an anime film without immediately casting judgment.  For instance, I assumed Movieguide, a very conservative site, would’ve given the film a negative review (though they did caution against the movie’s environmental message).

Even further, these reviews were generally as favorable or more so than those of typical, secular review sites.  Though only a small sample, 100% of these reviewers recommended the film.  And I think that when it comes to how Christians feel about anime, these reviews, along with the box office success of the film (it’s Ghibli’s biggest opening in the U.S. so far), only spell good news in terms of the openness in which the Christian community will approach future releases.

Art by Stephie915

K-On! is Really, Really Awful…

At least that’s what many viewers think.  As for myself, I simply found the show boring, though I loved the music and animation (re-watching the Christmas episode was an absolute chore).  But I wonder if those that speak so strongly against this really, really inoffensive show are fighting more against the phenomenon of K-On! rather than the show itself.

The same goes for Hunger Games, which I finished reading a month or two ago.  While reading it, I kept having conflicted feelings – one side said, “This book really isn’t that good” while the other said, “I’m really into it.”  After I finished the book, I was eager to read the next in the series, but gradually, my eagerness became bitterness as my opinion of Hunger Games became more and more negative.  The feelings were cemented when I looked at the Newberry Medal winners list in light of the recent awards ceremony for 2011; I looked back fondly on one of my favorite books from that list, Kira-Kira, which has a similar audience as Hunger Games but instead of the latter’s themes, it so subtly and sensitively addresses issues like cancer, labor strikes, and cultural identity.  And suddenly, I wondered, “Why has everyone heard of Hunger Games, but I’ve never heard of people chatting about Kira-Kira in everyday conversation?”

Hunger Games was unworthy of all the love and acclaim.

And so, despite actually enjoying the story, I began to resent it – not for what it was, but for what it became.

Dude...a Hunger Games anime would rock...(scan from http://thenomadsland.tumblr.com)

In the Name of Love…No, It’s Actually Only (Pride)

When it comes down to it, though, I think this backlash we sometimes give, which seems to be stirred up from deep within us, has to do with our pride.  Why else would I write a diatribe against a reviewer who claimed that Mandy Moore’s version of “Only Hope” was better than Jon Foreman’s?  And why else would a blogger go on and on about why K-On! is utter trash?  These debates are so venial – can’t we just disagree and move on?

Well, no, no we can’t.  Besides the obvious need for creating interesting posts in forums such as blogs, the main reason for is pride (maybe translated better, as exilehero puts it, as “attention whoring“).  We think we know better and we have to let everyone else know.  Are we trying to do a service to our readers or are we just trying to get it out on paper how much a work insulted our intelligence?  I think it’s usually the latter.

We could all probably use a dose of humility (some more than others).  And though proclamations of Code Geass as trash may not have a negative effect on anyone, the outpourings of our pride in other areas of our life certainly can.

Some Things We Know to Be True

On the other side of the coin, there’s an almost instinctual rightness to some of our opinions that’s hard to just tuck away.  For instance, Cowboy Bebop is a masterpiece – that’s such an obvious opinion that it’s almost fact.  Editorial pieces or reviews on the series that are negative are more likely to focus on the personal impact of the series.  Otherwise, the writer of such a piece is likely to become the subject or ridicule or at the very least would lose some credibility.

A comparison can be made to one who believes in God.  If someone were to ask a Christian why he or she believes, the simplest answer might be this: “because I just know it to be true.”  There’s no smoking gun that tells every soul on earth that the Christian God is who we say He is; yet, we believe know it to be true.

Of course, one can believe many things to be true – that doesn’t make these ideas right.

But still, for a Christian, belief is more than speculation or opinion – it’s a fact.  And as with the reviewer of Cowboy Bebop, the question isn’t if it’s true or right or good; the question is, how do we respond?

And for the blogger, writer, poster, and commenter, that’s the question we all must answer with each of our pieces – how do we respond?  What is our response?  Should we respond in this way?  And the questions I want to ask of you are these:

1. Are you tearing up or building down with your writing?
2. Are you doing a service to yourself and/or others?
3. And is it worth it?

If the answer to all three is “no,” then perhaps you should do as I’ve done with many of my posts (and probably should do with some others) – hit “delete.”

Related articles

• K-on! Season 1 (Complete Collection) Review (Kidds’ Anime Blog)
• A Short Review of The Hunger Games (Scholastic Inc., 2010) (themalaysianreader.com)
• Did HUNGER GAMES Rip-Off BATTLE ROYALE? (geektyrant.com)
• Kira-Kira by Cynthia Kadohata (alleganylibrarycollections.wordpress.com)
• ‘Hunger Games’ Not Filling Me Up (jasondrexler.wordpress.com)

Art by 矢毒蛙

Todd Hertz of Christianity Today is among the film’s reviewers and like the majority (92% at Rotten Tomatoes), enjoys the film:

The Secret World of Arrietty is a celebration of the vibrant life surging all around us—a declaration of the countless stories being told all at once.

Hertz admires the film’s lush artwork, but also raves about the story, particularly the relationships reflected within it.

One of my favorite publications, Christianity Today reviews aren’t as conservative in their viewpoints as some other outlets.  Yet, the publication remains focused on issues important to American Christians, such as the importance of family:

But overall, it’s hard to find many family films so authentic, so earnest, so supportive of family, and so honest about life’s joys and hardships.

I’m very glad to see a positive review of an anime film from such an important online Christian medium – it’s just another sign that Christianity nowadays doesn’t necessarily fit that prickly stereotype that many have of the faith and its practitioners.

Read the entire article at Christianity Today.

I am not arguing that the Church is a lot like the Pokemon world. (Alright, I am.) But more than that: The natural cry of the human heart — as best shown in the desires of children — is answered by the life of the Church.

You read it right – a post at Bad Catholic connects Pokemon, of all series, to the Catholic Church.  But the blogger doesn’t stretch to fit a point – Marc’s post is a thoughtful one about order and hierarchy, which makes the argument given in the quote above.   He is an excellent writer and I encourage you to read the entire post. [Bad Catholic]

Ghostlightning tells his readers what kind of anime he’d love to see produced (and invites us to to join in with our suggestions) – his would heavily involved Catholicism.  If you know Ghostlighning, you’ll know that he’s knowledgeable about a world of things, including the Catholic Church.  [We Remember Love]

Ash Brown, a librarian, reviews Underground: The Tokyo Gas Attack and the Japanese Psyche, an English translation of noted Japanese account of the Tokyo sarin gas attack predicated  in 1995 by the religious cult, Aum Shikryo.  Ash is a terrific writer and his site is well worth a visit.  Also of note is that this book was frequently referred to in The Untold Story of Altair and Vega’s excellent colloquium series on Mawaru Penguindrum. [Experiments in Manga]

The always entertaining Monsieurr LaMoe definies chuunibyou and gives a variety of examples of chuuni, anime and otherwise.  Among his models are a number related to religion, including Christ himself, with the writer modifying scripture with the following verse [Anime Diet]:

“I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a chuuni will never enter it.”

Artnet reports that famed artist, Takashi Murakami, who is known among other things for artwork that explores “sexual complexes of otaku culture” (Wikipedia), explores Buddhism in a new show in Qatar, just in time for Buddha’s birthday (February 15). [Artnet]

Zeroe4 introduces a series of post on death, in which he’ll muse on the subject from a Christian point of view while also relating anime to it. [Zeroe4]

Finally, although I’m a few weeks late on this one, it’s worth mentioning Cytrus’ post on a Yui-centered episode of Angel Beats.  He discusses a bit about the joyful aspects of the afterlife. [Yaranakya]

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As part of the Spirituality in the Anime Blogsophere series of posts, each week, Beneath the Tangles links to writings about anime and manga that involve religion and spirituality.  If you’ve written such a piece or know of one, please email TWWK if you’d like it included.  Special thanks this week to Don of Zoopraxiscope for the link to the Bad Catholic article.

Joy is a vibrant word, not only because of it’s meaning, but because it looks and sounds, well, joyous.  I’ve heard it defined in a couple of different ways.  There’s the the first definition, the typical one of an overwhelming sense of happiness.  But there’s also a second definition, the Christian connotation that describes it as a lasting happiness that often comes with knowing Christ.  The idea is this – life is going to throw curveballs at us, but deep in a Christian’s heart is joy (I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart…) that comes with knowing that no matter what happens, God is unchanging.  The two definitions are connected; if one finds reliance on God’s grace, that person may exhibit great delight.

The idea of joy, like almost any other thought that can come from our minds, is found in anime.  It’s often young girls who exhibit this trait, which seems to go hand in hand with childlike innocence.  The first such character who came to mind when thinking about joy was Sasami, the young princess from Tenchi Muyo! and her own spin-off magical girl series.

Art by 岱武

Sasami is the unusually cheerful cook, cleaner, and waker-upper in the Masaki household after arriving there with her older sister, Ayeka.  She instantly bonds with Ryo-Ohki, who shares her innocence and energy.  Despite frustrating circumstances, Sasami almost always radiates joy.  Aside from Tenchi, she’s perhaps the only other character in the Tenchi universe who is liked by all the others.  She definitely exudes joy as given in the first.

But Sasami isn’t always happy.  During the course of both the original OVAs and the TV series, she at times becomes despondent.  Still, with the security of those who loved her, Sasami is able to return to her usual demeanor.  This reminds me of the second definition of joy, in which we can find God’s light in the darkness of events around us.  In Sasami, we see this beautiful collision of joys – an immense but temporary happiness and a lasting comfort.

Two weeks ago, I had this meeting of joys in my personal life.  It started off with a scary event – my three-year old took a nasty tumble, smashing his poor little mouth against the wooden foot of his bed, leading to blood, pain, bruising, swelling, loose teeth, cuts, and more.  The poor little guy was in so much pain, but was such a trooper.  About 24 hours after the incident, when he was going to bed, he gave his mom and I kisses.  I expected a little peck on the cheek, but he gave a full liplock.  His poor, thick, sensitive lips, covering a still-hurting mouth and gums, kissed my own as he gave a big smile that was almost unrecognizable to me on his swollen face.  My eyes welled up as I was hit by how much I loved him.  He’s my boy, now and forever, and I wanted to protect him with all my might, and be there to care for him, even when I’m unable to guard him from the storms of this life.

I felt the overwhelming joy of fatherhood and I’m sure my son felt the secure joy of his parents’ love.  When we come to know Christ, the Holy Spirit works in us.  A grumpy old man can display a joyous attitude; a young woman with trust issues can find happiness in trusting God.  The Holy Spirit transforms us.

Too often, Christians (myself included) don’t exhibit this joy in our lives, I think because either we don’t understand the depths of God’s grace or we forget it.  Perhaps it would sometimes help to look at the joyful Sasami, an alien who is most definitely not Christian (do Jurains have a religion?).  And anyway, doesn’t it just bring a smile to your face imaging that cute little girl singing “Down in My Heart”?

I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart
Where?
Down in my heart!
Where?
Down in my heart!
I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart
Down in my heart to stay

Art by X布

One of my favorite  songs  about heartbreak and love is “Nothing Compares 2 U.”  Sinead O’Conner’s striking voice rings beautifully in the simple chorus of a song that was oh so 90′s.  I was a child when it came out, and the song now additionally carries that nostalgic feeling that is often associated with love.

Nothing compares
Nothing compares to you

“Nothing Compares 2 U” reminds me of first loves and of newly born love, and of the powerful and exciting feelings that accompany new relationships.  Even today, revisiting past memories about such love can be emotional and intense.

I’m reminded of my sophomore year in high school, weeks before this boy from the desert southwest made his way to New York City on his first unaccompanied trip to visit the university he longed to attend – NYU.

I had taken a break from the Internet for one reason or another and returned to find that my best online bud had joined a group of individuals who regularly met in an AOL chatroom named “Witless.”  It was a charming place and one I remember fondly; the regulars included the likes of the older curmudgeon/leader; the witty and kind standup comic; the drowsy and cool older girl; the aggravating younger adolescent; and my pal, the voice of reason.

There was also another person that frequented it – a young woman a couple of years younger than myself.  I’d been told that she was very cool, but in the days following my first visit to “Witless,” I hadn’t encountered her – not  until I received this instant message (screen names changed to protect the innocent…also because I don’t remember them):

Liz71483: SPLAT!

Liz71483: runs away

I’d been soaked by a digital water balloon.  As the gentleman I am, of course, I retaliated.  And thus started a sweet little romance.  I was totally taken in by her and was surprised to find that she felt the same, especially after I discovered that physically, she was quite out of my league.

One night, just a week or so into knowing her, I told her how I felt…*

Mulder54: I want to tell you something…but I’m really nervous.

Liz71483:  What is it?

Mulder54: Sigh…I don’t know…

Liz71483:  Please…just tell me?

Liz71483:  Please?

Mulder54:  Okay.  Here goes.

Mulder54:  I know we haven’t known each other very long, but you make me feel like I’ve never felt before.  Every day, I can’t wait to get home and talk to you and you’re always on my mind.  I’ve never told this to anyone because I’ve never felt this way.  I love you.

Mulder54:  Are you there?  I’m sorry?

Liz071483:  No, I’m here.  I’m crying, but in a good way.  I love you too.

My heart leaped – I couldn’t believe how serendipitous I’d been.  This lovely girl whom I was in love with loved me, too!  The next few days were glorious, as we wrote to each other constantly.

And so, it was with a heavy heart that I departed on my New York trip several days later.  We wouldn’t be able to communicate for about a week.  But while in New York, I was able to get on the Internet one time and speak with Elizabeth…but somehow, in that short conversation, things didn’t quite feel the same.  I wondered why she didn’t seem ecstatic to hear from me and why I didn’t feel quite as lovey-dovey toward her.

After I returned from New York, we IMed often, like we had before.  But that spark was no longer there for either of us.  I don’t remember the conversation, but we came to the conclusion that it was over.  Soon thereafter, Elizabeth didn’t come online anymore, or at least she stopped using that screen name.

I never spoke to her again.

Is love really that frail?  Is it dependent on starting a spark and keeping it going?  Can it disappear completely because someone has a few days to evaluate the situation or because one person goes on a trip?  Isn’t it just wrong when the first person you said “I love you” to loses that same love so suddenly?

The reason for all of this, of course, is that neither of us loved the other – not in the realest sense, at least.  Instead, we were, what I call, in love.

While we all enjoy the feeling of being in love, I think its novelty wears off when we see it in the movies or in anime largely because it often feels artificial, and because it’s fleeting.  For instance, the scene where Keitaro falls on top of Naru in episode one of Love Hina is classic, but only because of that image we remember, not because our heart flutters.  My heart fluttered a whole lot more during the Christmas special, when Keitaro suffered through so much just to make Naru happy.

We all know this scene...if not from Love Hina, then from one of dozens of other anime

And there’s the rub – our hearts make those connections in romantic anime when real love is expressed.  But what is real love?

Well, it’s a lot of things (I Corinthians 13).  But one major component, and one that always sucks me in, is demonstrated in a series that became one of my favorites after I recently watched it: Steins;gate.

Twice in the series, the mad professor, Rintaro, manifests great love – during the tortuous cycle involving Mayuri and in forgetting his own needs to aid Kurisu.

One of those instances involves loving a friend; the other involves loving one he feels romantic toward.  But both loves are essentially the same – they are a sacrificial love.

Without spoiling with details, Rintaro gives and gives and gives – through madness, physical harm, and emotional scars – for the ones he loves.  The intensity of his love struck me.  That, I connected with.  That’s an indisputable kind of love, one made out of decision and action rather than dopamine and desire.

And it wasn’t just simple action.  It was painful action – and love is like that.  Jesus taught us to turn the other cheek – to sacrifice painfully to love others.  It’s easy to do this once, or twice, or ten times.  It’s much harder to do for a lifetime or when, as in Rintaro’s case, the loving of another results in terrific pain for oneself.

Real love is not a thing that’s easily left behind, as it was in my teenage “relationship.”  And it doesn’t give up easily.  It gives and it gives and it gives and it gives and when there’s nothing left to give – it gives some more.

Maybe that’s why I like series where the characters have to show love rather than those where they fall into it.  I like it when Ko does little things to take care of Aoba, when a tearful Taiga continues to push Ryuuji toward Minori for his happiness, and when Tomoe throws away bitterness and life to save Kenshin from others (and himself).

Art by サプライズ

Real love is so much sweeter than the diluted chemistry of new romance.

In fact…

Nothing compares.

*I don’t remember these conversations incredibly well, but this is the best recreation I can give.  It’s more than possible that my remembrances of how Elizabeth spoke (or wrote) have become an amalgamation of several conversations.